Remember
by aussiedoodle
Summary: Post-Valkyrie (6x01) AU Kate has a hard time.
1. Chapter 1

Kate didn't remember much from after the funeral. She remembers picking the boxes up from the hallway of the loft after Alexis had thrown her out. She wasn't surprised when Alexis sent her a text telling her that her stuff was in the hallway. Alexis blamed her for everything. At first she denied that it was all her fault, but then she began to think she knew Castle so well. She should have known he couldn't resist a mystery. She should have been able to stop him. Alexis had ever right to me upset with her. Kate was surprised Alexis even took the time to pack up her stuff that was in the loft.

Kate also remembered that the days following Castle's death Martha could barely look at her. That had hurt more then she expected. She never realized how much she enjoyed and even craved Martha's huge warm hugs and the way she would always find a way to tell Kate to be safe when she left for work. Still a small part of Kate was glad that Martha wouldn't look at her. She couldn't bare to look at the disappointment and blame that surely lay in her eyes. She would be able to remember Martha's eyes as kind and soft.

The sound of glass shattering on the ground after she had tossed her badge of her superior's desk was something Kate knew she would remember forever. How she couldn't cry at the funeral because at that point there were no more tears left in her body. It was clear in her mind because she will never forget the disgusted look Alexis shot her when their eyes met. Alexis, whose eyes were so red and swollen that it looked like someone had punched her, couldn't understand how Kate couldn't seem to shed a tear at the funeral of the man she claimed to love. She remembers the feel of the strong hands of Esposito on one side of her and the smaller hands of her father on the other holding her up during the funeral. Her knees shaking so badly she knew they would cramp later.

She remembers how she threw up after taking a sip of coffee the morning after the funeral. She dry heaved into the toilet for hours after just thinking about the taste. She remembers how the whiskey seemed to go down so much better than the coffee. Hours later she recalls waking up as he father stood over her, his eyes shining with disappointment and pity. He too seemed to be out of tears at this point.

Kate remembers their fight and her physically pushing him out of her apartment and locking the door. The next few days were a blur of images and the sounds of knocking and yelling. She finally slipped away in the middle of the night and found a cash only motel.

So here she sat in the middle of the bed with an empty whiskey bottle on one side of her and a full one on the other. She wondered how many whiskey bottles it would take to make her forget about the past 6 years. She knew alcohol wouldn't be strong enough. She grabbed the full bottle of whiskey and started to chug hoping it would do the trick. For the first time in her life, she wished she had the courage to try something stronger.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: So thank you guys so much for the reviews! I have decided to reward you with another chapter since you guys who did review seemed to lean towards that idea. Hope you'll like it. :) Cheers!**_

Alexis wanted to remember more. She wanted to remember every single moment she had with her dad. She wanted to remember every single trip she took with her dad to the museum. She remembered one trip she took with her Dad, where he pretended to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He had run around the museum growling and roaring. At one point he even pretended to take a bite out of a lady's sunhat. Alexis remembers pouting after security politely asked them to leave the museum because they were disturbing the other guests. Her dad had tried to make jokes to cheer her up, but she had continued to pout, so he took her to their favorite ice cream store and let her get anything she wanted. He then proceeded to get the most disgusting combinations of ice cream and topping and made her laugh with his disgusted faces he made as he ate his ice cream.

Alexis wanted to remember more things like that, but it seemed like all the things she could remember revolved around her father's death. She remembers the phone call from Kate, the terror that ran through her, and how her heart felt like it was going to come out of her chest. She remembers boarding the plane and concentrating on her breathing, and she remembers how she could barely hold it together on the plane. How quickly Kate came and scooped her up into her arms was something she would never forget. She had been so surprised that Kate could pick her up. She remembers tears pouring out of her as Kate hugged her in the back of an FBI vehicle and whispered into her ear, "I'm so sorry Alexis. He wanted to say goodbye." She remembers how everything Kate said after that sounded like she was going through a tunnel. She remembers Kate frantically yelling something at the driver and the car pulling onto the shoulder as she stumbled out of it into the grass and threw up what felt like everything she had eaten in the past week. Her grandmother's arm surrounding her as her chest shook with sobs was something she would never forget. She would also never forget how at that moment in her life, she had never felt so empty and so totally alone.

She remembers the first thing she did when she and her grandmother got back to the loft was rush into her father's room. She remembers herself losing it when all she could smell was cherries. She had frantically grabbed his pillow and sighed in relief when she could still faintly smell him. She remembers grabbing the nearest box and filling it with Kate's stuff and taping it up as much as possible, hoping that it would contain Kate's smell so she would not lose her father's.

She was now sitting on the couch watching old home movies trying to block her most recent memories out. She sat on the couch wishing that it was Friday movie night and her dad was just in the other room getting popcorn.


End file.
